epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:BackToTheFuturama86/Jack Torrance vs Regan MacNeil. Epic Rap Battles of Villainy Season 1
Hey so I got really bored in school today and wrote like half of Jack's lines instead of doing my Pre-Calculus work so you'd better be fucking happy <3 Today's battle features antagonist of Stephen King's novel The Shining ''and Stanley Kubrick's film of the same name, '''Jack Torrance', and antagonist of the 1973 film The Exorcist, Regan MacNeil / Pazuzu, to see which posessed person comes from the better horror movie (y'know, since they're commonly cited as two the best, if not THE best horror movies ever made) Thanks to Tk for the sexy iTunes cover and title cards (Note: Since Regan/Pazuzu curses a lot in the movie, I tried to reflect that in her verses. If that makes you uncomfortable... ...wtf are you doing on this website??) Cast EpicLLOYD as Jack Torrance Kai or Naya Berman as Regan MacNeil (video) ??? as Regan MacNeil (voice) Nice Peter as Father Damien Karras (speaking cameo) Zach Sherwin as Father Lankenster Merrin (speaking cameo) O'Neill Monahan as Danny Torrance (speaking cameo) The Battle VS!! BEGIN!! HEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY! Time to dis this discount Emily Rose As a teen girl though, I should be able to upset you by judging your clothes Little Regan thinks she'll beat me? Ha! I fucking don't believe her Little Regan thinks she's sick? Haha! Face some Overlook cabin fever! What an excellent day for me to exorcise this weak freak Or better yet; I'll lock you away in my hotel for a week Right as soon I saw you, I knew that you'd be easily beaten King's Shining star is smashing this screaming prepubescent demon All of your fame nowadays comes from the Scary Maze Game Now get chased through my hedges and watch as Regan gets maimed Danny's arm should set an example; I'll beat you forever and always Now let me leave this little girl chopped up and bloodied in the hallway FUCK ME IN THE FUCKING ASS, YOU WHORE! SUCK MY FUCKING COCK! You're not a goddamned psychopath, you've just got FUCKING writer's block My flow willl make your head spin , FUCKER, I'm fouling Fathers fearlessly Abra kadabra, grandpa! You're as fake as your phony conspiracies Like the one for the FUCKING Indians, or the one about Apollo 11 Well, you're gonna die up there '' Watch out, I'm more evil than Room 237 ''ARGH!! This maniacal cunt with daddy issues deserves to be FUCKING dead Now watch me kick this FUCKER higher than I float above my bed ! Ouch, who knew a violent virgin fiend could suck as much as you do Putting us all to Dr. Sleep with spider-walks and voodoo Look at your film; all that religious backstory bullshit's doo-doo And the only "scary" moment's half a second of Pazuzu ! Your jumpscares just can't scare me (Boo!); nor can you compare me to Malachai or Pennywise, Christine, Ms. Wilkes, or Carrie ooh!) After facing me, you'll be crying to your mommy "Waaah, boo-hoo!" Karras's exorcism is nothing compared to what I'll do to you! GO TO FUCKING HELL AND SUCK FUCKING COCKS WITH YOUR MOTHER I'll slaughter this FUCKING Dick like he's Scatman FUCKING Crothers You think you're so FUCKING tough 'cause you're all big and tall? Well, YOU FUCKED UP! You can't even outsmart Shelley Duvall! I scare movie-goers with FUCKING pea soup and violence You bore movie-goers with exposition and silence Trying to kill your own kid? And I thought I'' had a bitch dad... Posessed by a FUCKING building? I know some guys who can fix that Exorcise me? Bitch please. You're, like, twelve Start playing with your crucifix, cause you can go fuck yourself Jack the Ripper fears me! I make grown men cower And you're less threatening to me than the old lady rotting in the shower! Cut the crappy scares out, you sold out to fucking Scary Movie Kubrick's creepiest creation has just defeated this Friedkin' juvie This Joker must be Cuckoo if he thinks this is over. Look! You're as faithful to a rhyme scheme as your movie is to your book From the moment the spirits chose you, you were always just a token Stolen by the Ghosts of Hotel-Goers Past 'til your soul was broken ''Shine a light on this, John: Did you die in an explosion or just get frozen? I'M A DEMON CHILD, BITCH! FUCK THE CORN KIDS AND THE OMEN Your creator lost to Poe, upon a FUCKING midnight dreary BITCH, you're about as successful as your FUCKING miniseries ! Alright, you think that's a nice diss? I wouldn't be so arrogant Did you forget about your shitty sequels , you fucking Heretic ? (Unmask!) ''Ahh! It's midnight, now it's time to reveal this hater Let us all see you bleed like you're a fucking elevator Listen to me, hellspawn. I promise I'm not gonna hurt you But I am gonna bash your brains in, I hope that doesn't disturb you Only you could make demons boring, you pre-teen bedridden scum You're not even half as freaky as Tony! Tell her, Danny: REDRUM! You brought your son into this, Torrance? That's just FUCKING horrid The only real crime you've committed is those eyebrows on your forehead I'm victiorious once again, I don't know what else to FUCKING tell you Bow to me like I'm your saviour, bitch. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! WHO WON?? WHO'S NEXT??? I PROBABLY WILL HAVE DECIDED BY THE TIME I POST THIS BATTLE!!!!!! EEEEEPIC ''*sound of an axe hitting a door* RAP BATTLES OF VILLAINYYY (holyfuckijustwroteabattlethatlonginlikeadaywhatswrongwithme) Who won? Who won? Jack Torrance Regan MacNeil Hint to the next battle: ERBoV Category:Blog posts